


The Testaburger Dissociation

by CoronaCrown



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Coming Out, Love Confessions, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 19:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16793281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoronaCrown/pseuds/CoronaCrown
Summary: All Wendy wanted to know was who was this week's gossiping, two-faced bitch. She never expected that she'd hide in Heidi's locker as she watched her boyfriend make out with his best friend.





	The Testaburger Dissociation

Wendy didn't know of it was actually possible to use a stethoscope to open a lock, but she tried it nonetheless. She twisted the dial on the lock until she heard a click that sound different from the other ones. It sounded heavier. She turned the dial to the left. With another click, the lock unlocked, allowing her access to the locker's contents.

"Yes!" she whispered to herself. It was still school hours, so she needed to be quiet.

Another gossiping bitch was spreading rumors, this time that she herself was a cheating and unfaithful girlfriend to Stan. How dare that person question her love! True, sometimes they needed a break from one another, but they would always make up in the end. They weren't an "on-again, off-again" couple. They were an "on" couple that disagreed sometimes.

All couples had spats in their relationships, and her's and Stan's were no different. They'd been together since elementary, just as long as Craig and Tweek had! Granted, Craig and Tweek barely ever fought, but neither of them had to worry about cheating rumors. In a mountain town like South Park, there weren't really a lot of options for the two of them.

But still, these rumors had to stop, and the only way that would happen was if she found proof of that in Heidi Turner's locker. She was more than glad to volunteer for this mission, instead of letting Bebe or Red investigate. This was her relationship on the line, for God's sake!

Wendy continued to vent to herself as she looked through her friend's belongings. There was nothing here to prove her guilt. Not a note, or camera with scandalous pictures, or even scribbles on a music sheet. Maybe there was something on her phone that she didn't write down on a paper...

She decided to close the locker and head back to class. She claimed to have gone to the nurse's office, after all. Plus, Stan sat a few rows in front of her in the last class of the day, which meant she had a good view until the bell rang. She closed the locker and was about to slip the lock back on when she heard footsteps coming from around the corner. She froze and quickly walked the other direction, only to hear a second pair of steps coming from where she originally came from.

Fearing getting caught by a teacher, or worse, one of the gingers, she opened the locker again and stepped into it, having to slouch to fit her size into it. She was already tall, it didn't help that she had to curl to fit in the small locker.

She closed the locker almost all the way, fearing that if it were fully shut she wouldn't be able to open again it from the inside. All she had to do was wait until the two people walked by, then she could head back to class.

"Did anyone see you?" she heard a familiar voice say. Through the locker's grates, she could see the hallway, but no one was in her line of sight yet.

"No, you?" a second voice said.

"Nope."

A giggle followed, and then her breathe caught. Stan and Kyle rushed into each other's arms, catching each other's mouths in a heated kiss. They were laughing lightly at the same time, losing balance until Kyle was pushed against the wall opposite of the lockers.

"We only had five more minutes left of class," Kyle said, his voice low. Wendy could still hear him. "We could get caught!"

"I know, but I couldn't wait to see you again." Stan pressed himself against Kyle, kissing his jawline in sweet and touching motions. Kyle all but melted against him despite his back against the wall.

_Stan's... cheating on me?_ Wendy felt her eyes tear up. _With... with Kyle? Why? WHY?! What does he have that I don't?!_

"Dude," Kyle said, his laughter dying down. "We can't keep it a secret forever, you know."

Stan sighed. "I know, I know. It's just... I'm not ready to come out yet."

"So don't come out, not if you don't want to. Hell, I don't think I am, either. But even you know you need to end things with Wendy."

Wendy shuddered as she heard her name, exhaling shakily.

"Yeah, I know. I'm just worried how she'll take it. I really though we were over last month, but then a week later she's acting like we never broke up."

"You just need to tell her you're not happy. I mean, look at Craig and Tweek. They fight over the smallest things, and even then it's all sweet and playful, like how a real couple should. Wendy always puts herself in front of your relationship. That's not healthy."

Stan sighed, feeling downcast. "Yeah, I know. I should. I will. I'll... I'll talk to her today after school. I promise."

"Hey." Kyle lifted his head so that their eyes met. "It's gonna be fine. I promise." He kissed him again more sweetly, and stood in the middle of the hallway simply embracing.

Wendy looked away. It was too much to bear.

When the school bell rang, Stand and Kyle walked towards the school entrance. Wendy fully opened the door and closed and locked it just as the hallways started to fill. She walked towards the exit, feeling betrayed.

_I don't put myself in front of Stan,_ she thought. _I just have important things to take care of first._

She remembered the previous weekend how she told Stan she couldn't make to their date because she and Bebe were going to scope out Heidi's actions that night. It was originally going to be Bebe and Nichole, but she decided to volunteer her time for that night.

_Still, that doesn't mean I'm selfish. It just means I'm busy._

_But you personally wanted to take the mission,_ a second voice in her head said. _You chose the mission over your boyfriend._

_That just means I care about my friends,_ Wendy thought, trying to reason with the voice.

_Does it? What about those other times you blew off a date? Wasn't it because you chose to? You're basically the leader of the girls' social circle. You could've picked anyone else to send, but instead you decided to go yourself. What does that say about you?_

_But... That doesn't mean that–_

Her weak rebuttal was thrown off the tracks when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. It was a text from Bebe.

**Bebe Best Friend :)**   
**Hey, did you find anything in the bitch's litter box?**

That's right. She almost forgot why she was invading Heidi's locker in the first place.

**Chief Testaburger  
** **Nothing incriminating. I was thinking maybe she should check her phone.**

**Bebe Best Friend :)  
** **I'll let the girls know. Red can call a girl's night at her place. You coming?**

Wendy sent an immediate affirmative. At the same time she tapped on "Send," a notification at the top of her phone appeared. It was a text from Stan.

**Stanny-poo =3  
Hey, are you free later? I need to talk to you about something**

He was definitely going to follow through.

As Wendy continued on her walk home, she debated her options and came to a conclusion.

**Chief Testaburger  
** **Actually, I need to take care of something else right now. You're on your own.**

**Bebe Best Friend :)  
** **Really? Like what?**

**Bebe Best Friend :)  
** **Oh, never mind. You have a date with Stan after you couldn't go last week, right? Have fun!**

There it was. Even if she didn't have any, this was just the kick in the balls she needed. If Bebe knew the importance of a relationship even though she wasn't currently in one while Wendy was, then she knew what she had to do.

**Wendy  
** **Yeah, I'm free. You can come over to my house, if that's fine.**

**Stanny-poo =3  
** **Okay, thanks**

Nothing to indicate a breakup. But in hindsight, the words "we need to talk" should have been a red flag if Wendy didn't already see it coming.

* * *

_"You're on you're way over now?"_

Stan nodded, even though he knew Kyle wouldn't be able to see it over the phone. "Yeah. She said she was available, so I'm just gonna go. Make it quick, like a band-aid."

_"Those hurt like a bitch."_

"Which is where the saying came from, moron." Stan rolled his eyes. "You rip it off or agonizingly peel it off."

Kyle chuckled on his side. _"Heh, yeah. This is good, you know? You don't have to feel trapped just because you're not ready to come out."_

"I don't feel trapped. Not with you, anyway."

He heard nothing for a moment. _"God, that... that was really cheesy of you to say."_

"But it's true," Stan argued. "I don't. Maybe in a few weeks, we can finally hold hands at school."

_"Too bad we can only hold hands in our rooms. I hate that they put us in different classes this year. I had to say my nose was bleeding and I needed to get out of the nurse's office after I got your text."_

"I just said I needed to use the bathroom really badly. Nothing wrong with a classic."

_"Mr. Hankey would feel honored to be thought of a classic."_

"Dude, that's gross."

_"You're the one that brought up pooping!"_

"I didn't say anything about pooping, I said needing to use the restroom!"

_"That's basically the same thing!"_

The two boys laughed at the absurdity of their little argument. It reminded him of what Kyle said earlier that day, about the kind of arguments Craig and Tweek would have. He couldn't remember having any of them like this with Wendy, just being mad or confused at the other.

"I'm almost there, Kyle," Stan said, breaking the laughter. "I can see Wendy's house."

_"Okay,"_ Kyle said. _"You can come over when you're done and we can talk about what to do next. Deal?"_

"Deal."

_"Oh,+ Stan?"_

Stan, who had been about to end he call, brought the phone back to his ear. "Yeah?"

_"I... I care about you. A lot. You know that, right?"_

They had been together only a few weeks, and Stan knew he loved Kyle. He was way more sure about that than he was about Wendy, given how long they'd been together. But they couldn't exactly say "love" yet. Not until the deed was done.

So Stan said, "I care about you, too," and hung up. When he reached Wendy's house, he sighed. "Okay." He stepped up the porch and rang the doorbell.

The door opened and Wendy stood. "Hey, Stan."

"Uh, hey, Wendy." Stan awkwardly rubbed his arm with his hand, hoping that Wendy couldn't feel the tension on his shoulders. "Can I come in?"

"Sure."

As he stepped inside, peeling his coat and hat off to hang on the wall, she noticed Wendy's atmosphere. She was hunched over and looking down, her hair slow and structured. She looked tired and resigned over something.

Stan didn't know how she would look, whether it be worry over the need to talk or the excitement of some other thing going on in her life. Either way, she didn't look too good.

But he'd come this far.

"Wendy, I don't think–"

"Stop," Wendy said, holding her hand up. "Let me talk first. Please."

Confused, Stan only nodded, sitting a respectful distance away from her on the couch.

"I wanted to apologize for canceling our date the way I did," Wendy started. "It was wrong of me to do and even if I gave you a reason why, I still shouldn't have done it."

"You were trying to help your friend," Stan said. "I understa–"

"Please, let me finish," Wendy said. "I've been doing a lot of thinking the past... however long it's been since we got out of school."

"About an hour."

"An hour, then. And it has also come to my attention that I'm the most... _graceful_ girlfriend."

Stan frowned as he tried to guess where the conversation was going. "Are you talking about those rumors about you? I know they're not true, I know you wouldn't... you wouldn't cheat on anyone if you were in a relationship."

Wendy shook her head. "Not, I'm not talking about the rumors. I don't care about that."

_Liar,_ the voice in her head said. She ignored it.

"An honest relationship needs to be built on trust, and conversation, and understanding, and all that Craig and Tweek crap. And I don't think I can give you all that."

"What do you mean?"

"What I'm saying is, I think we should break up."

Stan frowned. "You mean, take a break so you can help your girlfriends and stuff?"

_See? Even he knows you're just clinging on like a leech._

"No, Stan. I mean we should break up for real this time. Without the thought of getting back together again."

At this, Stan's eyes widened. "Oh. That's... actually what I came to talk to you about."

"Then we're in agreement, then," Wendy said. The way she suddenly stood up and crossed her arms indicated the end of the conversation.

"Um, ok." Stan stood as well, the two of them awkwardly avoiding each other's eyesight until Wendy turned around, her back facing him. "See you at school, Wendy." He walked over to get his coat and hat, opening the door when Wendy's voice stopped him.

"Does he make you happy?" she said.

"Does who make me happy?"

Wendy turned to face him, tears leaking out of her eyes. "Kyle. Does he make you happy?"

Stan swallowed nervously. He tightened his grip on his hat, having yet to put it on. Despite himself, he let a smile crept to his face. "Yeah." He nodded. "Yeah, he-he really does."

Wendy nodded as well. "Good. That's good, that you're happy. He deserves you."

_You don't,_ the voice said.

_I never did,_ Wendy agreed.

* * *

**The Marsh-man  
** **I did it. It's over with.**

**Main-Man Kyle  
** **That's good. I think**

**Main-Man Kyle  
** **How'd she take it?**

**The Marsh-man  
** **That's the thing though, she was actually the one to talk about breaking up for real.**

**The Marsh-man  
** **She knows about us. Being together, I mean**

**Main-Man Kyle  
** **Really? Why did she start the conversation?**

**Main-Man Kyle  
** **You told her about us?**

**The Marsh-man  
** **No, she brought us up right before I left. I think she might have seen us at some point.**

**Main-Man Kyle  
She's not angry or anything, is she?**

**The Marsh-man  
** **I think she already accepted it. I know she'll keep us a secret until we're ready.**

**Main-Man Kyle  
** **Thank God, the last time you showed interest in someone, Wendy had her sent to the sun.**

**Main-Man Kyle  
** **Shit, wait, I wasn't supposed to send that, that was supposed to be a secret**

**The Marsh-Man  
** **Kyle**

**The Marsh-Man  
** **Does Wendy need counseling?**

* * *

"Oh, hello, Stan," Sheila said when she opened the door. "Are you looking for Kyle? He's upstairs in his room."

"Thank you, Mrs. Broflovski." He closed the door behind him and hung his coat and hat, knowing he'd be staying for much longer.

"Are you gonna be joining us for dinner? I can make something extra, if you want."

"Thanks, Mrs, Broflovski, whatever's available is fine." He nodded and smiled to Ike, who sat against his father on the couch.

Ike smiled and waved back.

Stan walked up the stairs to Kyle's room and opened the door without knocking first. Kyle was on his bed, looking through his phone. When he noticed the door open, he turned his head and sat up when he saw Stan.

"I love you," Stan said quickly, as if someone were trying to stop him.

Kyle sniffed. "I love you, too."

Stan laughed, feeling relief that he could finally act without feeling dread. He ran forward and pulled Kyle in for a hug, making them fall back on the bed again. Kyle laughed with him, pulling him close. Their kiss was long and slow, not sensual, but more of a feeling of _finally_.

They talked for a while after that, about their future. They decided to start with Kyle's parents that night during dinner, and then with Stan's sometime later when Kyle would go over for dinner. And then, maybe in a few weeks, they could finally come out to everyone else who didn't matter. At least Craig and Tweek wouldn't be alone anymore.

"I just hope Tweek doesn't expect to go on double-dates," Stan said, making them laugh.

Dinner was enough. Sheila was confused, as with the rest of the town assumed Stan and Wendy were together. After assuring her that Stan and Wendy haven't really "clicked" for a long time, she felt better knowing Stan wasn't cheating.

"The rules still apply, though," Gerald said, directing the fork with a chicken on it at his son. "I want your door open when Stan or any other boys are over. I don't want you pulling whoopie at home."

"Gerald!" Sheila admonished.

"What's whoopie?" Ike asked, barely following the conversation.

Sheila sighed. "You see now, Gerald? This is all your fault."

"What if I have girls over?" Kyle asked. "I'm not gonna be dating girls, will I have to have the door open then, too?"

Gerald suddenly snorted. "I'll be honest, son, I didn't think you'd be dating girls given how many you've invited over. Almost none, really."

"You'd think that'd be a clue as to our son's preference," Sheila couldn't help but put in.

"Mom!" Kyle bemoaned, but he shoved it aside when he saw Stan laughing.

He reached over to hold Stan's hand, which he almost instinctively pulled away before settling it on the table in view. Things were going to be just fine.

* * *

_"I wonder if we could keep us a secret until college..."_

_"Why?"_

_"Well, think about it. What's the downside of us revealing ourselves to all of South Park?_

_"Cartman?"_

_"Cartman."_

_"Shit, you're right. Maybe we only tell our friends. I mean, they matter to us most, don't they?_

_"Yeah, maybe."_

_"..."_

_"..."_

_"..."_

_"The way Wendy wanted you to herself is scary, really. She wanted you, but she's also kept away at the same time. Kenny even had a name for it."_

_"He had a name for a specific behavior?"_

_"Yeah. He called it the Testaburger Dissociation."_

_"That sounds like an episode title for_ The Big Bang Theory _."_

_"Oh, my God, it does, doesn't it?"_

_"Yeah, it does. I'm just glad we don't have to worry about whether or not we're on a break."_

_"No need to worry about that, Ross Geller."_

_"Oh, come on. That's mean."_

_"I couldn't help myself, I've been saving that joke up all this time. Hey. I still love you."_

_"I_ guess _I still love you too, Kyle."_

_"Rude."_

**Author's Note:**

> This story is also on my FF.net account, which like my Creek story on my AO3 account, this one. That's just about where the reposting stops, all works on both sites will now be new fanfics for various fandoms. I'm focusing on oneshots because I can never finish a multi-chapter story. Anyway, hoped you liked this one and all that jazz.


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